he who used to rule the world!

Of course perhaps you might be one of the skeptics, filled with doubt and skepticism in this unholy and godless modern day, so if you were wondering how in fact this splendid rename of an already most intelligent namesake has come to be, let me tell you for my word is glorious! IT ONLY COST 5 AMERICAN DOLLARS OUT OF THE POCKET OF ONE RONNIE VANNUCCI JR WHOSE GAMBLING DEBTS HAVE APPARENTLY NOT COMPLETELY BANKRUPTED THE SOUL OF HIS GENEROSITY! ALLE-ALLELUIA!

Console me in the darkest hour...with coldplay songs, why of course! Killers are always only a lot of trouble. Coldplay you see, we write these terribly tragic songs that bring about stanza after stanza of meaningful rubbish that is only rubbish out of context. Sort of a bit quite rather like this post! Possibly me too! Oh is not a good time to be joking around with the lot of these exclamation marks is it?!

Old habits die hard. Long live the dream. Long live Ari.

( A coldplay song after the jump! )

Lots of beautiful entries on the page so although it is time for your monthly dose of nonsense 7 1/2 minutes with chris martin, i feel i probably should sit down myself and give you all a bit of the chris martin you expect. this is the stuff of coldplay records everybody, advance copy of our next you could even call it so pay proper attention! OK is a bit more like an ep, condensed so if you just only add a bit of your own water to it you can have a bowl of soup. Add a sprinkle of croutons and is very nearly quite like a full meal although i dunno if there is a drop of nutritional value but if i carry on that thought this post is going to become nonsense again so OK i'm to get a bit serious now!

I have been inspired.

Oh goodness, that cannot be it for my serious entry. Think think think think, little mind of mine, there has got to be more to come from that. What has inspired you? What is the inspiration to do? Where will that inspiration go to? That is three questions at least you could answer to bulk up your moment of seriousness! You can't be all fun and candid rubbish 24/7. Where do your songs even come from? 1, many things have inspired me. 2, i dunno. 3, quite likely no-where at all. 4, they come from places not polite to talk about in front of strangers and even friends, a deathly quiet spot that is also full of rumpus, pitiful whines asking for attention for the moaning so plentiful you cannot make out a word, not one!

Is that all you have got, chris martin? 5, i dunno, is it?
You cannot ask the question a question! 6, why not if you're not a question anymore? Aha!
Don't get clever with me, chris. 7, you are very possibly the only one who calls me that not counting my gwyneth. Am i in some sort of trouble?

OK ok i am going to be serious starting now. Is just that i cannot talk about what i want to talk about in front of so many reading eyes. Sort of a bit like stage fright and i haven't got anything prepared or rehearsed. I could talk about the tour but a picture supposedly speaks a thousand words and i am too lazy to find us some pictures. I could tell you about my lovely missus but i would have to get divorced. I'm in a bit of a fix no? OK so i will tell you lot a joke.

( the joke is right after this jump! )

OK PLEASE READ THIS becos i am going to tell everybody a fantastic little story before i link to you all some videos! Is a story about me and the wonderful irish geezer BONO who called me a list of lovely names earlier on this year on live national radio (wanker, dysfunctional character, cretin, genius melodist, a great soul, and there were lots and lots more in his head but radio microphones cannot catch that sort of thing cos of the very thick accent his thoughts speak with yknow!) You see i am friends with bono so the names were a bit unexpected truly. I always thought he was joking when he called me those to my face! All of which is totally true so you know, and it is precisely becos of that that i could not, i just could not believe he did such a low thing! Why would he do that? i kept asking myself over and over. You're supposed to tell lies to the radio and the telly! Lie to everybody you can becos you cannot ever know when they are informants to the nazi media! Which is not the point of the story however. The point is i was a bit offended at his truth telling and the obvious upon obvious breach of clear rock star rules! It was a betrayal to all the rock star oaths that rock stars are sworn to just before they get nominated for such things as brit awards and grammys! Even the smaller things like mtv and nme awards too! I will tell the truth only just to you lot who i am expecting to be reading this, becos i have to trust none of you are agents for corporate networks, and the truth is that i wanted him banished from every single one of the rock star clubs and a jury of his finer peers to all together spit on a bonfire of his greatest hits records in a beautiful big fiery saliva bukkake circle! Of course i never ever ever get what i want so i had to do the next best thing which is make terrible jokes about him in private and play u2 songs at the start of as many coldplay gigs around the world as i could, australia to singapore, spread my respect and love for the glorious bastard sort of in a reverse fiery bukkake sort of way.

God i am a louse of a storyteller! Is actually becos bukkake is really a difficult word to rhyme and is not the sort of word you can use twice in a lyric to rhyme with itself, yknow what i mean? I am more capable with rhyming colour names and words like you, do, for, pond, hill, that sort of thing. For example it was just only two days ago when i was stuck on this line for a song, "are we content or just complacent?" Then i thought, Good god are there any words at all that rhyme with complacent?! I am now thinking of having the thing i thought be the actual next line of the lyric, becos after two days that is when you must realise that you have to give up or songs would never get finished!

OK i have put you through enough testing of your patience. I will let you go on to the videos! This is razorlight and the first video has got a gossip girl lookalike in it becos everything that brandon flowers has, jbo wants to have too. The second one is where jbo looks terrifically handsome with his latest haircut and if you will only be courteous to me and watch one, this is the one you ought watch. (It does not seem like it but the first story i told and me promoting razorlight has something to do with each other. I really hope too that everybody read this in an accent becos that is the only way that i am a bit cute.)

( point your mice here and click to hear the jump sing! )

It is no secret to the world on the outside of this playground that i have taken to your songs in exquisite ways, in respect and some sort of solidarity. We are rivalling siblings but more than i can say for myself, you were not lucky, you were not at the right place at the right time, you were not an accident or something to fall out of the sky by chance. You are very much quite the opposite. You didn't fit in, you didn't compromise, you went after the bull straight at the horns and brandon, i love you for it.

What fewer people know is the secrets we keep to this place, our talks when we feel nobody is bothered to listen, our embraces when it has been too long, all of our medleys that get their melody from just the way your mind ticks and oh that giggle of yours! We are fish in a little bowl, i feel the electric of your current of your every move. It touches me, placates me, is there when i am most alone. And in the end we lie awake and we dream of making our escape, and in the end we lie awake and we dream of making our escape.

I dunno how many here have been affected by you, i dunno if they notice your effects. What i know is the friends who would follow you to any place to the ends of the world, leave imitations of you from other parallel universes only just to stand witness, no need to be that close but seems always like close enough. I know the friends who won't ever ask more from you, the friends who won't say it, the friends who will ramble, the new friends who have fallen into your deadly trap!

Nothing about you is without effort except for your handsomeness and oh do you put that into our faces so often. I have met nobody like you, nobody so simple but complex, so bold and so shy, so funny but so utterly understated. Rumour tells me you have quite a bit of a temper and someday i should hope you will break open one of my suffocating windows, trust me to bandage your fist, but is more than enough that i am only just included always in a joke about soulmates.

Brandon flowers, you are a poem not a lyric, you are a song i could not dare to sing. When you are near i watch stars explode and i save all the sparks for when you are far. I think about you when i cleanse my chakras. That is only just a joke! This whole thing is putting me into a mood!

Happy birthday, my dear dear friend, and happy father's day to us two! You can also thank me for bringing you this message from dave gahan sort of.

Love and sincere fondness,
Yours always,
Or at least for a good long time,
"Chris Martin" (Is just a way that you say it, makes me laugh!)

( goodness, nearly forgot the love that gossip girl taught me to do! )

Do you want to know what is absolutely fantastic? Cos this is my journal and i will tell you what i think whether or not you really care and i happen to find sakura jelly ink pens absolutely fantastic when they come in electric orange. I want to scan something so you can see for yourselves but coldplay does not tour with a scanner and even though i am not precisely on tour right now i could just be a very lazy prick. Pity really cos it really is quite fantastic. I can't draw on my arms with it and not my shoes either but on regular paper! Goodness! The japanese make splendid things. Which begins my thoughts on invention. Not all of it springs from need or necessity. On occasion, we only just want something totally frivolous, nonsensical some would argue, like bobbleheads and ribbons, the frills that add a little something something to our dry and dreary lives. A touch of pizazz, a burst of colour! Granted i have moved on from talking (thinking?) about invention and i am now on a path of discovery becos a wandering mind could wonder its way to splendiferous matters like sakura jelly ink pens in electric orange and with a bit of luck, back to the point of origin. Invention...but the mind stops there and tells me the topic is a bit dry. The printing press has replaced quills and the laborious hands of monks, we have everything we could imagine wanting, save time machines and teleportation pods and pills to have me stop talking a lot of nonsense. Could be that if i had those pills i would not need time machines and teleportation pods, but there's a thought! An incomplete one but a thought no less!

I really am in the mood to be prattling away about nothing so i dunno why anybody would have bothered to read as far as this unless they were a fan who would be frank enough to admit it and introduce themselves. As it has been made painfully apparent to me i am not very much good at being particularly social. Even with my friends i pop up out of the deep dark or bright summer sky blue when the lack of novelty in my life strikes with a parental spank on the arse and says to me: chris martin, stop being an utter loon or sad bastard, stop filling your teapot with more tears than tea and bloody send an instant message to a friend or a stranger! You can even spend a lot of your rubbish time to make vain, foolish, public attempts to convince dave gahan that he is needed by the likes of certain mormon darlings who dare not yet confront the most obvious of their repressed sexualities. Becos really, if said certain person does not realise the possibility that men may love men as they do women, how will he ever be able to come to terms with his immense and utter non-platonic secret love affair in his mind and heart and soul for chris martin who is none other than you yourself? Chris martin, good god why are you talking to yourself under the guise of writing an update?! And really you must stop teasing the poor child becos he is not english and he knows not the gentle docile affection that comes with us poufs calling each other poufs!

Glad to have got that out of my system. Brandon flowers i love you ever so. No i suppose it's not really out of my system yet, give it a minute or two, shake it a few times, see if any more of it will come trickling out...brandon flowers i will have your babies and even redirect all my current funding towards the research for my magic stop talking nonsense pill, to something much more beneficial to society in general. Would we not enjoy living in a world where men could bear babies? A lot of the excuses us men make up to question our genuine roles in the lives of our offspring would go floating out the window and...OK maybe the pill should come first after all.

What else can i ramble about here? Oh yes i had a full cyberspace conversation with an utter and total stranger this morning! I am quite proud of it so i will share. I am sorry to any and all parties to whom this might be incriminating but i really do need to fill up some space here! I dunno if that is a worthwhile excuse or if i have been chatting with the very mischievous ronnie too long and am very much ready to unleash the minions of hell onto the unsuspecting race of human beings, but here it is anyway!

( right after this jump! )

Quite apparently the rest of it will not fit into one post but i assure everybody that there was a lot of graphic descriptions about brandon's reproductive organs and the cleansing of chakras and ronnie being a total stud muffin that we two both fantasise compulsively about and lots and lots of other gossip as you would expect from a gossip girl and a rocketship that cannot keep a secret!

xoxo gossipship